Under Pressure

There has been something I've been struggling with. The pressure of following the path you should and the pressure of wanting to do things my own way. The reason this is a struggle for me; is because there are things I know I SHOULD do, I know I NEED to do, but sometimes what I should do and need to do aren't how I want to do them. I would rather start my businesses now and kick butt, than take the time... Go to school, get my degrees,start working at a company work my way up and by the time I'm 30 finally make enough money to start a life. I don't want that. I want to start my business NOW, I want to make enough money to start my life NOW or at least before I'm 25. I get so stressed out because... I have SO many great ideas and so much passion and I feel I am always told I need to wait, I need to do it, this set way. I don't do well when I'm put into a box. I can't work that way.

My life plan down here keeps changing because, I'm trying to please the norm, while pleasing myself and I'm learning that, I can't pull myself in two different directions and be happy.. and everytime I compromise and please both needs I'm still not completely happy.

The Want- Get My AA and BA. Be Successful and Make Money. Own My Own Businesses.

The Comprise - Go to school, get a part-time job. Eventually get my AA and BA, make some money and eventually start my career = Not Happy

The Revision - Do Online School, Get Full-Time Job, Make A Lot Of Money.= Potential Happiness, but not what I want.

The New Plan - Do Online school, Get a Part-time job(not even going to be picky), make a business plan, get a business loan, open my own business. = HAPPY

I'm tired of waiting, I'm done waiting it's time to go at it gung-ho and do it my way. I want to be successful and accomplished by 25. I don't want to START at 25. I found out this is me this is what I do, I need to not wait for what I'm suppose to do, for someone to hold my hand. I learn doing it my way, even if it's harder. Will I mess up? Sure, but will I eventually succeed? YES! Here we go this it. I'm ready to start my business. I'm ready.

Back to Reality

Lately, I have been obsessing over some of the reality shows... and I can't help BUT get absorbed in some of these shows and form my own opinion. Yes, I am aware not everything is what it seems, but their are some things you just can't edit THAT well. I'm going to be giving my opinions on a shit load of reality show.

The Hills- This show died when Lauren Conrad left, I still watch it, but more out of habit and because it's before The City.

The City- I love love love this season! Whitney is well whitney, her line is coming together and I'm enjoying her. Kelly Cutrone, is amazeballs, she is all about tough love. Roxy, sometimes, I love her and sometimes I hate her. but to be honest I think why most of us still tune in, is to watch Olivia and Erin. Olivia is a self-entitled BITCH! After all the stunts she has pulled, the way she talks to her bosses... she should have been fired by now. Anyone else would have been. I love Erin's attempts to get Olivia fired and although, I think it sometimes may make Erin look desperate... come on? If you had to work with someone who was constantly snooty, walks around like their shit don't stink, and can't even do their job. You would act like that too.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey- This Show is just a train wreck. I stopped watching it half way through, they are ALL crazy and trashy.

The Real Housewives of New York- I have grown to love this show.. I watched Season 1 than got over it... cause of all the bitchiness. However, this last season I tuned in late and fell in love. Everyone had been bagging on Bethanny half the season. Which I think she was greatly mis-represented. Everyone else really doesn't do THAT much for me as, I can't see me ever actually being friends with them... However, I do love the newest addition, who is just kinda there and enjoying life. Now, that Kelly Bennisinom or whatever is legitimately CRAZY. I mean this woman needs to see a therapist, talk about uneducated psycho-babble and the weirdest ability to actually re-write history. Bitch, needs some meds.

Bethanny Getting Married?- This follows Bethanny (from the real housewives of NY) and her life with her Fiance, getting married and being Pregnant. I love Bethanny, she has really stolen my heart. She reminds me in a lot of ways my mom and her relationship with her fiance reminds me a lot of my relationship with Brandon. She is funny and she is normal. I cannot wait to continue watching the season.

The Bachelorette - I was So excited when I found out the Bachelorette was going to be Ali! Mind you I have never watched an season of The Bachelor or Bachelorette till this season and I only watched the bachelorette cause I watched the Bachelor before. My only problem with this show is the rose ceremony mainly because I grow attached to a lot of these guys and feel so heartbroken when many of them don't receive a rose. I mean Ali has gotten rid of some great guys, but they weren't right for her I could see that. As for this past episode I am SO SO SO glad that she finally got rid of Casey. This kid was scary stalker possessive crazy. Although Justin Is cute, I stumbled upon a spoiler and know that the other guys being mean to him and their suspicions were correct... (unfortunately) which upsets me. Knowing some great guys went home, for him to be there. My Top 3 picks are Kirk, Chris L. and Roberto. I like the other guys but these are the true blue men she needs.

Hmmm.. what else? Of in other news last seasons Bachelor Jake and his fiance Vienna (the women Ali competed with) have broken up and I want to say I am happy since I NEVER liked Vienna and I continue not to like her. Her and Jake officially broke up Today and this chick is ALREADY doing TV interviews and playing up that she is such a victim (which I call BULLSHIT on) I mean the girl took a perfectly staged picture of her break up letter, with the engagement ring next to it.. WHO does that!? Bitch is crazy.

I think that is about it for my reality show opinions. Have an Amazing Night

Twenty-One

Hello Party People!

Starting off first.. I have a joint blog with my fiance.. so If anyone.. and my anyone I mean ONE... of you readers would like to check it our... please feel free to do...
http://brandongregorio.blogspot.com/

Now, off to my thoughts going on in my brain now.. So much. I just posted my 1st blog entry on my joint blog and that is exciting...
I am Now home in Toluca Lake and having a blast. A lot to say really and I'm sure, I will forgot half the things I wanted to say while typing this. We will start off with my Trip to San Jose... 2 weeks ago I made a trip to San Jose.. For several reasons.. My Mom's birthday.. she turned a beautiful 30 years old and honestly hasn't aged a day! ; ).. on top of that was my brother in-law Nick's Graduation and Going Away Party (to boot camp) and Linnea asked me to baby sit Alec and Makenna Memorial Weekend. Which I was glad to do. My trip started a little drive back the 7th (Monday). Brandon was with me the weekend before for our 1 year of engagement so on the 24th (monday) I decided to drive up with him and than fly back down on the 8th (tuesday). We scrambled to clean, my house... pack and get our kitties all situated....this was the longest I had ever left them on their own. The trip ended up being pretty much a bust... Minus hanging out with B mostly. Brandon and I both had to work the night of Nick's Graduation.. which, we were okay with cause we'd make it up to him by being at his grad. party.. which Nick than decided he didn't want because he wasn't going to join the marines anymore! So besides My mom's birthday and babysitting.. I had come up for nothing... I for the most part enjoyed the trip though and came home Tuesday night(the 8th) to 2 alive cats and a surprisingly STILL clean place.

What else...what else. I have seen 3 movies since the trip and now. Killers (with Brandon, Tim Burton's/Disney's Alice In Wonderland and Shutter Island. Killers was a decently good and funny movie.. probably not worth what we paid, since we watched the movie in Oakridges XD theater... (Which is a bigger screen, more seats, and WAY more comfortable seats) The movie could have been a little bit longer and had more actual plot to it.. but it was the perfect date movie for Brandon and I. Alice in Wonderland was alright has well.. Visually it was stunning and the story line was really good, but I'm glad I waited to watch it OnDemand than see it in theaters. I have never been a huge fan of Alice In Wonderland though.. so, I didn't have high expectations in the first place.. Then, there was Shutter Island. Which was a great psychological thriller and Martin Scorcese can do no wrong. It is NOT as scary as it portrays it to be and is definitely an intriguing movie.

Also, Since I have been home.. I have finished reading L.A. Candy by Lauren Conrad. Which was a decent book. Not a MUST read but nice, light, fun read for us girls. Than I read The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner by Stephenie Meyers. For those, who don't know the book. It's really a "short story" about one of the newborns from the Twilight Sagas: Eclipse. It is basically shows the newborns story.point of view.. instead of Bella's. I originally found out about the book from Perez Hilton.. Saying that as a gift to her followers Stephenie Meyers put the short story up for free on the website... I being the OCD weird person I am debated if I wanted to actual buy the book or read it for free. A few things made my Decision. 1. I prefer reading actual BOOKS 2. It wasn't expensive and money from the book went to the American Red Cross and 3. I just wanted to complete collection for my series.. even if it wasn't the actual saga books it tied into them. Overall I enjoyed the book more than I though I would. Now, I am beginning to read Love The One Your With by Emily Giffin. If you have read my blogs, you may notice this name come up often.. I have become a big fan of her books because, they are real woman, and real woman experiences and thoughts and it's funny. I am excited to start this book, and just as excited to discover she has a new book out as well.

Oh, those sleeping pills are definitely kicking in now... being home Has been Nice.. not too eventful but nice. I have been going on my walks, which keep me in shape and get me out of those house.. Today, on my walk so many people slowed their cars down to point, wave and take pictures of me.. I guess they thought I was famous.. which is funny cause i'm NOT.. but I didn't ruin their fun.. I just smiled and waved back.. (btw I had a hat and sunglasses on..so my face wasn't exactly clear)Friday (the 11th) I drove down to Irvine and enjoyed the day with Natasha and Her friend Bobby. We shopped,ate and talked. GOOD DAY. It was really fun, especially all the dumb jokes that natasha and I make up. Hmm.. besides that nothing TOO crazy. Alright... can barely keep my eyes open.. NIGHT!

HAHA WOW... I ended and than posted this without even addressing what my actual Title means. 21. I turn 21 in roughly 4 months! So this is a crazy night and fun night for most people. However here is my Delemma.... my 21st birthday falls on a MONDAY! Uhm, people, have school, work, etc. So... that won't be too fun. I'm also, the only one of my friends who will be 21. So, simple solituion would be have your birthday at a places that serves alcohol but I can still have underage people with me.. I.E. a resturant of some sorts and Just have my birthday later in the weekend... the latter issue is the real problem. My birthday is only 6 days away from Halloween, so most people will be in Santa Barbara.. so I will have to celebrate it a week...2 weeks,, after my real 21st... THAN I realize that I only have 3 best friends. Natasha,Brandon and Natalie. and Natalie will be in England. Leaving.. just Natasha,Brandon and I.. which actually isn't a HUGE problem.. but I want my closest friends there and I want a PARTY. lol. I'm sure I will figure this issue out.. but it was just something that was bothering me! Okay, Night for REALS

Curse of Curves

Welp, I'm not really curvy actually.. Just my boobs. For those who don't know me...I have 32DD's. I absolutely loathe the fact that I have big boobs! Their is NOTHING, NOTHING good about them.. besides the attention from guys and the fact that girls get jealous of them and even that gets old.

Big boobs SUCK. Mainly because we live in a world that idolizes women with big boobs but also pushes their woman to be stick thin. So, clothes are made proportionately to the general public. Meaning woman who are smaller sizes generally have smaller boobs and woman who are bigger sizes have bigger boobs. Well here is my problem in this genre.. I am a size 2 with DD's... Therefore I can buy an extra small shirt, dress, etc and have my boobs falling out or i can buy an extra large and have my boobs perfectly situated and look 10 pounds bigger. I am also NOT ok with the fact that Bigger size clothes.. aren't always so fashionable! Why is that? Is the bigger person not entitle to looking good? Now.. adult sizes in general tend to run bigger and our fashionable in all means... but that is not MY style that is not the style of a younger adult...Frustrating!

I HATE bra shopping because They don't make the cute bras size DD.. not DD is reserved for the Grandma bras in plain black,white and nude. I also struggle with a bra that actually SUPPORTS my boobs. I again, don't know how they haven't made a CUTE bra that actually supports my boobs. In case, you didn't know big boobs tend to sag (gross word) more and give people back problems. I feel this issue needs to be address. Same Goes with bathing suit shopping. I'm not a fan of the beach.. but lately I think it has to do more with the fact that I hate shopping for bathing suits cause none of them ever actually fit. I'm an active person and although, I like to tan at the beach I also, want to be able to go run around and play; which is impossible when my bathing suits can't keep my boobs under control. I went onto Victoria Secrets website to look at Swimsuits.. since the sell them by bra size and not Small to Large. I was happy to see that they had an area for bigger boobs. Only to be disappointed in 1. the fact that most of the bathing suits were ugly and 2. the all stop at the cup size D. One site I went too.. only had ONE DD option and it was this hideous ty-dye tankini. I am sure the ty-dye tankini is cute to some people and they love it, but I believe I am not the only big boobed person out there who is upset by the lack of choices we have out there!

Bristol Palin

For those of you who are not sure who Bristol Palin is, she is the daughter of former governor of Alaska Sarah Palin. Bristol being known for being 18 and pregnant at the time of the 2008 election. This was consider to be a "scandal" given she was a teen parent and well her was running for vice president on the republican ticket.

Bristol has since then had her son Tripp and separated from her baby daddy Levi Johnston. She now speaks to teens about the prevention of teen pregnancy and has openly spoken about how had it is to be a teen mom. What shocks me is that a lot of media outlets are slamming her for this! Saying she is whining and doesn't love her child. This is unbelievable, here we have someone who is being honest and being a role model. She is saying it's hard, she is saying she wishes she would have waited, that doesn't mean she doesn't love her son, it means she just wishes she could be able to support her son better, therefore waiting till she was older. Would you rather have her going around saying..."oh, this is sooo easy...every teen should have kids" ?! What would you be more upset with.. your daughter coming home pregnant and saying " oh but Bristol Palin says it's easy"... To all the haters. FUCK YOU. And to say "oh.. my daughter wouldn't do that" ... remember the teens involved in The Pregnancy Pact? Those were girls who were not educated on contraception and wanted to be teen moms like Jamie Lynn Spears.

Proof Read.

I suck at proof reading. I don't do it. I type what I want to say... spell check and than post it. So I am sorry to whoever has ever read this and realized that some of what I write does not make sense (again probably doesn't help that I type them at the crack of dawn) I swear I am an educated person who excels at English. I'm just lazy at spell checking.

Anyways, I am now back in Toluca Lake living a happy life. The rest of my trip in San Jose was alright. Saturday I had Tea at Lisa's Tea Treasures in the Pruneyard with my Aunts Debbie & Diana, my cousin Taylor and my aunt's boyfriends mother. We had such a lovely time and I ended up buying a tea pot and two mugs as well as some tea. Later that night we ended going and seeing Kick Ass. Which was a pretty good movie. Personally, I think the movie was only good due to their AMAZING fight scenes. Sunday we ran some errands and I visited my Grandma's grave leaving her a Mother's Day card and flowers. Yesterday (May 3rd) was actually 2 years since she passed = (. Once I finally arrived in Burbank, after an hour delay. I picked up my Pink Leopard Print Betsey Johnson Travel bag up from baggage claim ONLY to see that it had be ripped down the sides. Normally I wouldn't care... but this is a fairly new, EXPENSIVE and cute bag. So now, I have to give them my bag.. so they can send it to Dallas, so Southwest HQ can decide how they want to compensate me. After dealing with that and arriving home to a disarrayed apartment....thanks to my lovely cats. I decided to set up my Wii and sync it up with my Netflix so I can stream movies from my comp. to my TV.. which would save me bundles of cash on ONDemand... unfortunately, It refused to connect to my Wi-Fi... which made me day THAT much better.

Better News...
Netflix now has WEEDS:Season 5 on watch Instantly(on my comp.) which I have been waiting forever for! Now just have to wait for Dexter and The Tudors newer seasons to do the same thing! Went on a long walk and started posting fliers for Dog Walking,Baby sitting or House Sitting Jobs and had lunch at Paty's learned more about my secret admirer.... Story is this guy comes in to Paty's everyday for years and orders take-out one day he saw me and now comes in and asks about me. According to the manager he has never noticed anybody till me and I guess, he saw my Republican sticker and liked it... cause " I don't act like it". So.. today they were telling me that he is a Personal Trainer who used go to USC. My mother thinks this is a potential stalker... but to be honest in Toluca Lake.... this has been normal for me. I am also, reading Sean Hannity's new book Conservative Victory and definitely enjoying it. Although, it is so frustrating to know the truth about Obama and see people still supporting him. Now, it is time for me to get back to sewing.

Can We Pretend...

...That Airplanes In The Night Sky, Are Like Shooting Stars? I Can Really Use A Wish Right Now...Wish Right Now...

Basically, A lyric from my favorite song at the moment. Airplanes- B.o.B ft. Hayley Williams and Eminem. Anyways.. life. I arrived in San Jose on Thurs. and can pretty much already can't wait to be home in Toluca Lake. It's interesting how being in San Jose makes me feel more "childish" I guess. My personality for the most part changes when I come back. When I'm here, I just want my mom to do everything... although ironically, I don't really see her... although at time when I'm in Toluca Lake I do miss San Jose, but that's because I become lonely.

So far, I just want to be home. Being back has been drama. I'm going to be honest Brandon's mom is crazy, I have to like her cause she's Brandon's mom, but I am so happy that Brandon is done with her. I have never meant a more selfish,immature 45 year old in my life. It is frustrating because I don't want stuff to be strained between us, but she really does it to herself and I had enough of it when it started affecting Brandon and bringing him down. Anyways, due to this drama I was kicked off the phone line that I shared with them. So today my mom, Brandon and I spent hours at the T-Mobile store setting up our account. I'm going to be honest, I am disappointed that I cannot use my old # which I have had since I was 13 but I guess it is something I will have to get used too, I am happy that I get to have My blackberry back = ) Today, I am doing Tea with the woman on my Dad's side of the family and I am really actually excited for it! Sad my Grandma can't be there, makes even harder since it's only 2 days away from when she passed.

I can never end this properly, cause I get so tired I just want to sleep... keep you readers aka ONE reader ha and it's my mom.. updated. Night <3